I recognize now the symptoms of my depression.

I need to specify that it is not clinical, it's momentary — at least I think so.
I feel blue, but it's only because I'm going through a breakup, which has blown up and now involves and hurts many people, instead of us two only.

The symptoms:

• I shower and brush my teeth less frequently
• I stop doing skincare
• I don't go out much
• I reply less and less to friends and family on WhatsApp, and when I do I might come off as grumpy or disinterested
• Sleep is worse
• I don't eat regularly, and when I do it's mostly chocolate
• I feel like I have no energy
• I masturbate more but with less... desire
• I binge youtube videos about stuff I don't even really care about
• I scroll endlessly on Instagram for funny reels

Basically... I completely give up, and I let my addictions have the best of me.
No more. Tomorrow will be different.
I'll fix the easiest stuff: I'll brush my teeth, do skincare before going to bed, I won't open Instagram, and eat less chocolate.

The problem with chocolate is that my parents bought it for me. I didn't want it, I swear! They say I'm getting too skinny and are worried for me... we truly are a stereotypical (southern) Italian family lol.

I'll slowly try to fix the other problems too. I did not masturbate today, already a win. And I don't think I'll do it tomorrow either.
On Monday I'll have a shower and I'll go out. I'll go to the vivaio (how do you call the plant store??) and ask for some guidance; I want to buy a small plant to put on the dresser in my bedroom. I'm scared that any plant would not survive there because when I go to work I close the blinds and no sunlight enters the room.

Anyway, bottom line is: I feel like shit and I can't wait to go back to work, to take my mind off of it and concentrate on work problems instead.

What I find reassuring is that I am recognizing these problems — no, even better: it's the fact that these "habits" are only appearing now because I'm blue. When things go fine I am a different, better person.
It's reassuring, and a consolation, it means I can escape this and start being a better, more conscious and cleaner person once again... but it's also a clear sign that things are not fine, and I do not feel fine AT ALL!

aAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Goodnight!