I have finally become an adult, a man. I reached the age where I open my Christmas presents and I get pajamas, socks and underwear. And I am happy about it!

My aunt was the one that gave me a new pajama. I really needed one because the one I bought a few months before turned out to be of bad quality.
My (now ex) girlfriend got me a funny t-shirt, socks, and a pair of spiderman-themed underwear. It's all because of an inside joke of ours.
My parents? They stopped giving me presents a long time ago. This year I gifted them a huge disappointment, and I received rage and blind hate towards my girlfriend.
My mother accused her of being autistic, of having a criminal family (her father smokes weed on big occasions... that's the unforgivable crime), of being stupid yet manipulative. She is below me because she is not capable of keeping a stable job, and when she does it's never a job to be proud of, therefore she was determined on attaching herself to me to take advantage of my wealth; that's what my mother said.

By the way, I'm not wealthy, I just have a steady income that pays fairly well, but it's still not enough.

My mother forbade her from ever visiting me in the house I now live in. Why? Because of the shame I would have brought upon my family if the word ever got out that I was seeing that girl.
I mean... come on... I thought we were smarter than this.
Apparently not. Apparently, social status is more important than my happiness. She never asked if I was happy, if she made me happy. Not once. She did ask "What is it about her that makes you behave this stupidly? Is it just a sex thing?".
I'm ashamed. I'm furious. I'm helpless.
There's nothing I could have answered that would have made her go "Oh, okay. i see. I'll leave you be then". Nothing. She had already made up her mind, and that was it. How could I reason with her if the decision had already been made for me? How could I fight? How could I make her see that I was truly fond of that girl? That I truly cared about her, and she truly cared about me? That I was happy!?
How could I... ?

She swears she's done it for my own sake, to prevent me from making a big mistake.
All I can see is that I had to sacrifice my joy and give way to sadness and loneliness in hope of a future happiness that might never come.

Let me be master of me, only then I'll be truly happy.

I can't even mention the role of my friend in all of this. I can't stand her anymore! She is the only manipulative person here. Egoistical and vindictive, and childish. But that's who my mother listens to: her, not me. Because, of course, my reasoning is clouded by my feelings. How convenient... how come theirs are not!? They are being controlled by their feelings too, how can they not see!? Only difference is that, while my feelings are love and care, theirs are hate and jealousy.

Here I am, two months later, alone and hurt, and raging. I can't do nothing! I feel like I lost my mother, I definitely lost a connection with her. She never approved any of the girlfriends I tried dating, and I fear she never will.
It can't happen again. I'm feeling and behaving the same way I did these last 10 years. I'm depressed — and I don't use that word lightly. I felt so much better when I was with her and now I'm back at feeling like shit again. Thanks a lot, mom.
I'm wasting away my evenings. I'm paralyzed; I lost all the energy I had. I don't care anymore about being the best version of myself I could be. I don't leave the house anymore (except for work). I don't go out for walks in this new city I now live in. I don't do nothing. I just feel remorse, and I wish that I could go back and change things, maybe fight more. It was never a fair fight, and I could have never won, but at least I could have tried harder. I should have shouted my reasons, she deserved this, at least. I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry. Fuck!

Let me be master of me, I deserve to be truly happy.

They treat me like a child that is not capable of recognizing what's good and what's bad. But I know! And they don't! Happiness is good, laughter is good, and so is sharing ideas, small moments of life, dreams and plans for the future. Good is sharing joys and sorrows. Good is acting on physical attraction, exploring each other. Good is feeling happy, energetic and new every day.
Bad is forcing somebody else to do something he doesn't wanna do. Bad is listening to manipulative people. Bad is getting blinded by hate. Bad is caring about other people's perception of you when your son decides to take a chance on love. That's the fault they accused you of, and that's what fueled your rage. You felt ashamed and tried to shame me. You succeeded. But now I'm ashamed of you as well. And I feel sorry. This is our first time on Earth, after all. Problem is you are now 60, and if you haven't learnt by now, you never will. And it's too late now. And I feel sorry for writing this on your birthday. And I feel ashamed that I don't have the guts to say it to your face. I'm sorry, mom.

Let me be master of me. I'm grown up now, and I don't know where to find happiness again. Maybe in a new pajama, or in a pair of underwear.

I know nothing, except that I really needed her, and I wanted her. And I still do. I hope you were right. I almost hope she turns out to be all the horrible things you said she is.